Numbers

Numbers are my life,

They dominate every aspect of my life,

If I can go outside comes down to The roll of a dice,

This is my life, this is my strife.

I used to smile more than I do,

I used to be happy, ignorance is bliss,

These are not the days that I miss,

I miss those days taken from me,

Missing my brother’s wedding cut me deep in my soul.

Numbers are everywhere especially these days,

We hear about all the numbers everyday,

These numbers are overwhelming,

Numbers that represent lives effected,

They are thrown about just matter of fact.

My number of friends has expanded,

As my heart swells, with affection I’m shown,

People who want to join me in this fight,

Those who want to be part of my life.

Thank you to everyone,

You mean so very much to me,

I hope I don’t disappoint, as I try my best.

The Battle: Surgery and recovery

Before I start I just want to say I am on strong painkillers and as such this might not be the most coherent writing I do.

The Battle 

Vomiting and pain is what brought me in,

Fluids and painkillers first action to be done,

Wait and see the plan to begin,

But worst I got, the pain advancing as the hours passed,

A scan ordered to see the matter.

A blockage in a dangerous place,

A battle with surgery I must face,

Sped off down to theatre to fix what needed fixed,

12 inches of bowl removed, two massive hernia repaired,

Resighted my stoma onto the left, 

an infected wound another field of battle.

ICU was where I was sent,

Opened my eyes the pain was gone,

Painkillers so wonderful, jumping for joy,

Tube removed from my throat in matter of minutes,

ICU is not a scary place, it is filled with friends I have made.

My speedy recovery in the initial meant my time in ICU was but hours,

Transferred up to high dependency to be watched every hour,

The pain intrusive but not overwhelming,

Progress made each day with tubes, devices and lines removed,

A week passes now moved to a general ward.

Progress stalls as little measurable progress can be seen,

Internal strength the only progress I can feel,

Motivation is hard to maintain,

In a room by yourself sanity is a strain.

But what I am built for is to battle and survive,

If you give me a chance I will stay alive,

I fight not because I want to but because it’s all I know.