Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poem. Show all posts

Sunday, 9 September 2018

The Battle: Surgery and recovery

Before I start I just want to say I am on strong painkillers and as such this might not be the most coherent writing I do.


The Battle 

Vomiting and pain is what brought me in,
Fluids and painkillers first action to be done,
Wait and see the plan to begin,
But worst I got, the pain advancing as the hours passed,
A scan ordered to see the matter.

A blockage in a dangerous place,
A battle with surgery I must face,
Sped off down to theatre to fix what needed fixed,
12 inches of bowl removed, two massive hernia repaired,
Resighted my stoma onto the left, 
an infected wound another field of battle.

ICU was where I was sent,
Opened my eyes the pain was gone,
Painkillers so wonderful, jumping for joy,
Tube removed from my throat in matter of minutes,
ICU is not a scary place, it is filled with friends I have made.

My speedy recovery in the initial meant my time in ICU was but hours,
Transferred up to high dependency to be watched every hour,
The pain intrusive but not overwhelming,
Progress made each day with tubes, devices and lines removed,
A week passes now moved to a general ward.

Progress stalls as little measurable progress can be seen,
Internal strength the only progress I can feel,
Motivation is hard to maintain,
In a room by yourself sanity is a strain.

But what I am built for is to battle and survive,
If you give me a chance I will stay alive,
I fight not because I want to but because it’s all I know.

Tuesday, 24 July 2018

Anaphylaxis: The poem of Adrenaline.

Allergic Reaction


It started with an itch,
I never thought it would come to this,
A little rash on my right arm after washing dishes,
Antihistamine taken, to counter a skin reaction.

I took a seat to watch tv with my family,
All seemed fine till I looked down,
The rash moved from a small patch on my arm down my arm,
Now it's on both arms and it is itching,
Fingers swelling and Hives forming.

Worry starts to set in whats going on,
Then the game changes when my Philtrum swole,
Talk of calling NHS 24 squashed,
This no longer a nuisance its life-threatening,
Into the car, we pile,
 I kept my cool even though I knew what was happening,
As we drive my face begins to swell.

I was surprised by how cool I remained,
I see the worry in my family,
The desk takes my name but doesn't need to ask my problem,
Shortly the nurse calls my name to take me to triage,
We Bypass it and go straight to a bed in ED,

A junior Dr came to see me,
My throat hurts, it is hard to breathe through my nose,
He noticed dysphonia and goes to get his senior,
While he went away panic started to grip as breathing became harder,
My throat closing, not instantly but slowly like a vice.

Enter Dr Yvonne Moulds,
The junior Dr seemed anxious, I was starting to fear,
But she spoke to be in a calm tone,
Reassuring me that she was in control,
I was being taken to Resus as a precaution in case things went bad,
I was wheeled in, I was aware of what the room meant,
Resus was like ICU, it was not a place for 'healthy' patients.

Canula was to be placed for the drugs that would be needed,
however, Dr Moulds gave me the first dose of Adrenaline,
Explaining why I needed it and the plan going forward,
The calmness and reassuring nature of her demeanour stopped me spiralling out of control.

The junior Dr went to place the cannula in my vein,
Adrenaline shakes making it hard,
But the air flowed into my lungs as my throat opens,
My words to the Junior Dr, "You get two goes then your out.",
Perhaps e thought I was kidding but when I told him after his second fail no more,
He looked taken aback but I am no pin cushion,
Dr Moulds took over getting the line in.

I laugh as Dr Moulds asked me if I thought, a second dose of Adrenaline needed,
My response, "If you think I do then I do too, you're the Dr.",
The second dose, not the big impact the first one had,
most of the swelling was down but not all,
Antihistamines given between doses, Family allowed in now.

Calm and to spend a day in the hospital to watch for a biphasic reaction,
Most of the swelling down before I left the ED for the Combined Assesment Unit.

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I spoke with Dr Yvonne Moulds prior to writing this to make sure she was ok with it before I wrote this. Her calmness in this very scary moment in my life changed this from me being fearing for my life to almost being relaxed. Her quick reactions most likely meant my throat did not close fully though I think a few minutes later I would have been fully closed. It should be noted that from the rash forming till my getting adrenaline was about 25 minutes which includes a 20-minute car journey. I will next month be getting allergy tests to determine hopefully what I am Allergic to.

The NHS is filled with staff like Dr Moulds who save lives on a daily basis, whom you never hear about and never seek thanks or praise. These people are the heart and soul of the NHS. Anyone who knows me will tell you, I do not give praise lightly but the NHS is the sole reason I am alive without the many Drs, nurses and supporting services it has provided my extensive health issues would have overcame me.

So if you are British and you have had treatment from the NHS and it was better than you expected or someone did something which made the experience better, please write to them and tell them they did a good job because NHS staff get alot of complaints and little in the way of positive feedback. They do a wonderful job under some difficult pressures and restrictions.


Friday, 15 June 2018

Ode to Extubation, Breathing and Moving: A patients perspective pt2

Why do you talk about me like I’m not here,
At the end of my bed you stand and stare,
I hear you talking about my care,
I’m not tolerating the reduced air.

Then the words that I fear, 
One last chance before a Tracheotomy,
But now I'm less sedated don’t ever underestimate me,
You don’t understand my strength of will,
You turn down my air and I force my lungs to work,
It is hard work to keep on breathing even with the aid of a ventilator,
Soon the decision for extubation,
This is cause for celebration.

Tube out my throat the start of healing,
Oh what a wonderful feeling,
Wait a minute why do I have to think to breath,
Why is it not so easy,
All my energy put into breathing,
The slightest movement is fatiguing.

I remember not thinking about breathing,
Not having to force air into my chest,
Why can’t I return to normal,
Why is everything I do a problem,
Barely able to move myself,
Unable to wash myself.

But I am a force of nature,
After a few days I forgot about breathing,
But my lungs remembered,
My next stage was to get to walking.

The physio-terrorists come in to see me,
Get to sit on the edge of the bed,
After 5 minutes I’m nearly dead,
After a few days I get aided into the shower,
Cleaning yourself even if aided has a special power.

Next comes walking as I regain my voice,
The Taurus my friend and enemy,
First day they want me to use the frame to pivot to the seat beside my bed,
I go for a walk to the ward room door instead,
Exclamations come out in surprise,
I’d lost a lot of weight and I was frail,
But never underestimate my power of will.

Each day I walk a little more,
Nurses watching as I grow stronger every day,
Starting to walk twice, thrice a day,
Leaving HDU I had no central lines, no ventilation or ng feeding,
I was not back to normal but the first time in months I look like a human.

Saturday, 9 June 2018

Ode to ICU: A patients perspective pt1

My eyes open is my torment over,
Have I return to my life once more,
Why can’t I speak? Where is my voice,
Why is there a tube in my throat? Where has my strength gone.

What is this place I find myself,
Who are these people staring at me,
Nurses, Doctors and Family,
Oh thank god my nightmare is over.

“You're in ICU” is all that I parse,
I look and see faces I vaguely recognise,
Part dream, part reality. Unsure what is true,
Is this a delusion, confusion or the truth.

It is hard to tell what is real when your brain has been misleading you,
When you have to question all that is said to you,
Family tell you it’s ok,
Doctors tell you your on your way,
That it’s remarkable that you have recovered.

In this room where I lay so much action every day,
Bells, bleeps, people coming and going,
My family looking worried.

The tube in my throat very uncomfortable,
Pulling at my lips, but I am aware why it is there,
Raising my hand to get suction because I feel like I am drowning,
The nurse frowning saying that not much came up,
But doing it again when I insist this time moving the weight in my chest,
The relief you will never know, that moment of compassion you have shown.

WDAD 2025

  Wondering every year what will change, Delirium talked about only on this day, All I see in papers is the damage it does, Don’t know what ...