Confidence

 I always as myself if people are proud of me,

Have I had an impact do I matter,

When I am no longer here will I be remembered,

Will I be thought kindly and bring a smile,

Or will my name make people run a mile.

Everyday I look and reflect upon my failings,

Everyday worry that everyone’s time I’m draining,

I wonder all the time are my actions oppressive,

Or is this merely a reflection of poorly managed depression.

When I look upon what I’ve it brings lots of sadness,

As my health has took so much even most of my gladness,

I look at what I’ve done and think how much more I could’ve achieved,

If only my body did not hate me and kill me from inside,

December 28th 2015 the day I almost died,

Infection nearly made me face my maker.

If they looked upon my book what would he see?

Would it be very different from how I see me?

Would they welcome be into the fold a project complete,

Or will they shake their head in disappointment and defeat.

I know my many failings and it is more than one,

I know I’m too hard upon my self that’s failing number one,

I should treat myself with kindness that would be such fun,

But all I can ever do is reflect on ICU and make that gun is never a real one.

I’m turning corners now, I’m planning now you see,

With examples like Julie, Dorothy and Megan how great can I be,

I know see myself in futures never dared,

For in but just a moment it might not be there.

But after speaking with the greats,

I started to believe maybe I could dream and achieve,

Thank you goes to these council of three,

For giving my hope and faith I can believe.

Thank you to all who lift me up,

Thank you to everyone whose ever gave a fuck,

Thank you to those who brought a smile in dark days,

And finally thank you to those who support me everyday.

Doctors Strike

The government trying to paint em as evil,

Well hot dam can you believe em,

I listen as they say they are putting me in danger,

What a dam joke are you trying to offend me?

Are they out of their minds when they say Dr as harming,

Listen to me I'll be disarming or maybe even charming,

You can't abuse a system, underfund and supply it,

Then expect everyone inside to be happy about it,

 The gaslighting and abuse is what is dam harming,

You tried to break a system and met with resistance.

The Doctors are standing for what is right,

You are standing on wielding might,

Trying to undermine the public service that supports us,

Trying to villainize those who saved me,

When I was in ICU I know who was saving my life,

I know who did everything they could to bring me back,

You made sure I was here to write this.

I stand with the junior Doctors doing what is needed to make the NHS safe for all and be paid an amount that they can live life when they are not in the hospital.