Count to One

 Count to One

 

I sat at home going yellow from the antibiotics I was on,

The itching was starting to make me break the skin,

I reached out and got creams and antihistamines,

The itching resolved as the yellow retreated from my skin.

But then they appeared upon my skin,

The little purple dots that chill me to the very soul.

 

Bloods taken to check my liver results and my blood count,

What we expected to be elevated was mildly so,

The problem came at 4 pm. I was called by Haematology,

Mark, are you bleeding? Have you got bruising,

No, Yes what is the number, I know what is coming,

The call only comes when it is dangerous,

Your count is one, and we’d like you to get reviewed.

 

Now the danger is extreme and the treatment slow,

Dose increase taking weeks to work,

The anxiety and fear building as I hide from life,

While standing with a smile and grinding through,

While your back is covered with the knives of doubt, fear and stress,

Life is not fair never has been but I will stand tall,

If I can inspire others to shoulder their burdens and make it through,

Then the struggles will have been worth it.

 

Never give me more than I can cope with,

I do not ask for the burdens to be lightened on my shoulders,

I only ask for broader shoulders so I might carry them,

Bare those of my friends and loved ones who need my ear,

I will stand tall until I fall I will move through until I’m done.

 

The count has me scared as a tap could make my brain bleed,

Every step I take is filled with worry and those around me look at me,

I can’t show the fear inside as it would break them,

I must be stalwart in my stoic nature being there for them,

So that they can hold me up when I fall,

The fear crushes me inside, anxiety gripping my heart tight.