Delirium: A bullet to the brain!

Ok, so I don't normally put warnings on my writing because I think if you come here you know what to expect. It is after all a blog/poem page about my medical life. However, this poem is a little different and being at least slightly self-aware I know that my experience may be upsetting to others.

If suicide or self-harm topics will cause you distress or upset please stop reading. If it is a topic you are not comfortable talking about or do not feel comfortable with do not read any further. Have a lovely day and please understand that the experiences that follow are mine and are from my delirium. I did not actually do them but I believed I did in that state as I thought it was the best thing to do at the time. I am safe, happy and not a danger to myself. Thank you for your concern it is greatly appreciated and I love every single one of you. Scroll to find the poem I am putting a large block of white space in an attempt to make it so you don't read it accidentally when you don't want to.

Resources Regarding Delirium NB. these are endorsements and my recommendations:

http://www.scottishdeliriumassociation.com/
http://www.criticalcarerecovery.com/

TW suicide and self-harm

Delirium is crazy it makes you insane,

Believing things that make no sense,

Being hunted down worldwide by nameless foes,

Being held down in water drowning to death,

Brought back to suffer some more.

Cut open and made to bleed from my wrist,

Suffering for information I won't give,

Put in situations designed to cause harm,

Put in a freezer to try and kill me.

Shock probes in my arms to force the truth,

But in my defence I was absolute,

I would not betray the safety of my family,

I would not give in to those who harmed me,

They have so much to live for and achieve,

So Stalwart in my resistance and belief.

The toll it was taking in seven years,

Poking at my weakness and vulnerabilities,

Breaking me down with time I sensed,

Found a gun and put it to the side of my head,

Pulling the trigger hoping for death,

Keeping my family safe with the last act,

Time slows, the fire burrowing deep in my brain,

Then darkness for a second, then back to hell again.

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Hey guys thanks for reading I hope this gives a more in-depth idea of what delirium is like. It was the worst time of my life and I hope you can understand these types of experiences and why they can cause mental health issues. Delirium is a nightmare you can't escape or tell it is a nightmare. I am three and a half years after my delirium incident but it still affects my mental ability, thinking and concentration. It is not a joke, it is an extremely serious issue.