Confidence

 I always as myself if people are proud of me,

Have I had an impact do I matter,

When I am no longer here will I be remembered,

Will I be thought kindly and bring a smile,

Or will my name make people run a mile.

Everyday I look and reflect upon my failings,

Everyday worry that everyone’s time I’m draining,

I wonder all the time are my actions oppressive,

Or is this merely a reflection of poorly managed depression.

When I look upon what I’ve it brings lots of sadness,

As my health has took so much even most of my gladness,

I look at what I’ve done and think how much more I could’ve achieved,

If only my body did not hate me and kill me from inside,

December 28th 2015 the day I almost died,

Infection nearly made me face my maker.

If they looked upon my book what would he see?

Would it be very different from how I see me?

Would they welcome be into the fold a project complete,

Or will they shake their head in disappointment and defeat.

I know my many failings and it is more than one,

I know I’m too hard upon my self that’s failing number one,

I should treat myself with kindness that would be such fun,

But all I can ever do is reflect on ICU and make that gun is never a real one.

I’m turning corners now, I’m planning now you see,

With examples like Julie, Dorothy and Megan how great can I be,

I know see myself in futures never dared,

For in but just a moment it might not be there.

But after speaking with the greats,

I started to believe maybe I could dream and achieve,

Thank you goes to these council of three,

For giving my hope and faith I can believe.

Thank you to all who lift me up,

Thank you to everyone whose ever gave a fuck,

Thank you to those who brought a smile in dark days,

And finally thank you to those who support me everyday.