Monday, 26 August 2019

Sunshine

 The Sun blazing down on me,
Heating the air like an oven around me,
The air clear and fresh, colours so bright,
A cooling breeze making it bearable.

Windows open to kill the house,
Hoping to stop the temperature rising,
A battle I cannot win, starting to sweat,
Cars passing breaking up the silence,
The only sign that time was moving.

The yellow glow of light hanging in the sky,
Seemingly motionless with the heat overbearing,
Not a single cloud to block its sight,
Ever seeing, ever bright, ever burning.

Every floor showing under its inspection,
The glow-giving no quarter, clear of vision,
Every second wife renewed, give him energy and hope,

It is the spring the time of renewal. 



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The Sun dances in and out,
But when it is here it screams and shouts,
Say I'm here, for now, to sweat you out,
Hydration is key in these times of heat,
If I get dehydrated I will taste defeat.

Some days Hotter than the fires of Hell,
Next comes rain and coolness for all,
This is summer here in Scotland that is true,
Waking up in the morning with absolutely no clue,
Will, it be Hot or will it not,
Sometimes you have to go outside and just take a shot.

This is our penance for the gifts we are given,
A landscape that was surely from heaven,
Water so clean and so very pure,
River fill with fish I'm absolutely sure,
We here in Scotland are so very fortunate,
For we have everything you could ever have needed.

So in this the summer that has burned so hot,
I say roll on autumn so I can finally move,
For all of this heat for me is bad news,
A danger to stoma it is very true,
But here is a secret just for me and you,
I am thankful every day that I am alive,
For too close to its end, I have come.



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Hey Guys I am still alive but between the heat, preparing for the EDA conference and teaching day and a lack of inspiration I have been a bit quiet but I found the first poem I wrote in the spring so I decided to add one about summer so that it was 'up to' date. I have a lot of things going on with my health at the moment so I have been a bit less motivated but I am trying to get back into writing my poems as they help me cope. I hope you all enjoy them and if you are experiencing the heatwave at the moment whether you are a doctor, nurse,  patient or anyone else please make sure you drink enough dehydration is very easy to get into but can be a lot harder to get out and can be very dangerous.

Thank you, everyone, for reading these and I really hope you enjoy them.





Saturday, 3 August 2019

Delirium: A bullet to the brain!

Ok, so I don't normally put warnings on my writing because I think if you come here you know what to expect. It is after all a blog/poem page about my medical life. However, this poem is a little different and being at least slightly self-aware I know that my experience may be upsetting to others.
If suicide or self-harm topics will cause you distress or upset please stop reading. If it is a topic you are not comfortable talking about or do not feel comfortable with do not read any further. Have a lovely day and please understand that the experiences that follow are mine and are from my delirium. I did not actually do them but I believed I did in that state as I thought it was the best thing to do at the time. I am safe, happy and not a danger to myself. Thank you for your concern it is greatly appreciated and I love every single one of you. Scroll to find the poem I am putting a large block of white space in an attempt to make it so you don't read it accidentally when you don't want to.

Resources Regarding Delirium NB. these are endorsements and my recommendations:

http://www.scottishdeliriumassociation.com/
http://www.criticalcarerecovery.com/




TW suicide and self-harm
















































Delirium is crazy it makes you insane,
Believing things that make no sense,
Being hunted down worldwide by nameless foes,
Being held down in water drowning to death,
Brought back to suffer some more.

Cut open and made to bleed from my wrist,
Suffering for information I won't give,
Put in situations designed to cause harm,
Put in a freezer to try and kill me.

Shock probes in my arms to force the truth,
But in my defence I was absolute,
I would not betray the safety of my family,
I would not give in to those who harmed me,
They have so much to live for and achieve,
So Stalwart in my resistance and belief.

The toll it was taking in seven years,
Poking at my weakness and vulnerabilities,
Breaking me down with time I sensed,
Found a gun and put it to the side of my head,
Pulling the trigger hoping for death,
Keeping my family safe with the last act,
Time slows, the fire burrowing deep in my brain,
Then darkness for a second, then back to hell again.

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Hey guys thanks for reading I hope this gives a more in-depth idea of what delirium is like. It was the worst time of my life and I hope you can understand these types of experiences and why they can cause mental health issues. Delirium is a nightmare you can't escape or tell it is a nightmare. I am three and a half years after my delirium incident but it still affects my mental ability, thinking and concentration. It is not a joke, it is an extremely serious issue.









Men’s Mental health awareness month

  After ICU my brain as scrambled as can be, Needed some help maybe some cbt, Nearly a year I spent struggling with anxiety and ptsd, Shows ...