WDAD 2025

 

Wondering every year what will change,

Delirium talked about only on this day,

All I see in papers is the damage it does,

Don’t know what else I can do,

2 minutes of orientation can hugely impact,

0 excuses for why screening isn’t being done

2 minutes to consider the drugs you use and there effects,

50-80% in ICU will have it,

Yet I was only told when asked to speak at a conference.

Delirium is like a puppy it’s not just for Christmas,

Delirium is not bad news on tv you can’t ignore it,

Delirium is not bad behaviour it’s something you intervene on,

Delirium is not pleasant it can be a fight for your life,

Delirium is not easy it changed my entire life,

Delirium has scarred me and nine years on I still bare the scars.

Count to One

 Count to One

 

I sat at home going yellow from the antibiotics I was on,

The itching was starting to make me break the skin,

I reached out and got creams and antihistamines,

The itching resolved as the yellow retreated from my skin.

But then they appeared upon my skin,

The little purple dots that chill me to the very soul.

 

Bloods taken to check my liver results and my blood count,

What we expected to be elevated was mildly so,

The problem came at 4 pm. I was called by Haematology,

Mark, are you bleeding? Have you got bruising,

No, Yes what is the number, I know what is coming,

The call only comes when it is dangerous,

Your count is one, and we’d like you to get reviewed.

 

Now the danger is extreme and the treatment slow,

Dose increase taking weeks to work,

The anxiety and fear building as I hide from life,

While standing with a smile and grinding through,

While your back is covered with the knives of doubt, fear and stress,

Life is not fair never has been but I will stand tall,

If I can inspire others to shoulder their burdens and make it through,

Then the struggles will have been worth it.

 

Never give me more than I can cope with,

I do not ask for the burdens to be lightened on my shoulders,

I only ask for broader shoulders so I might carry them,

Bare those of my friends and loved ones who need my ear,

I will stand tall until I fall I will move through until I’m done.

 

The count has me scared as a tap could make my brain bleed,

Every step I take is filled with worry and those around me look at me,

I can’t show the fear inside as it would break them,

I must be stalwart in my stoic nature being there for them,

So that they can hold me up when I fall,

The fear crushes me inside, anxiety gripping my heart tight.

 

Delirium Yearning

 

Nearly 40c my body it is burning,

My ex is calling to ruin my day she’s yearning,

But my wingmen tazocin and filgrastim do the blocking,

Made my white cells start rocking.

 

No infection could be found despite lots of trying,

25c ward had me feel like expiring,

Tests and scans show nothing but improving,

But when got home a stone started moving,

Next day it exited now I’m grooving.

 

Delirium sitting in my corner standing still,

My brain is still here by the power of will,

She can stay away of her I’ve had my fill,

Staving her off with every single pill.

 

The ward was hot but safe and secure,

I could move about not stuck in a tiny room,

Not feeling so weak when I escape,

Made me feel so dam great.

 

Men’s Mental health awareness month

 

After ICU my brain as scrambled as can be,

Needed some help maybe some cbt,

Nearly a year I spent struggling with anxiety and ptsd,

Shows the fucks you gave about me.

I could have been gone instead I hung on,

It was real close programming and anger got me through,

But if I shared in those days people where gone,

One good thing is it showed who was my crew.

Everyone saw the shiny armour I wore,

Not the daggers it drove into me making me bleed,

They didn’t see I was broken to the core,

They did not offer the hand I needed.

I found my feet again in the ashes of myself,

ICU burned a lot out of me changing what me meant,

Left me with pieces that no longer fitted together,

Trying to be a me that no longer exists.

I have scars I can’t look in the mirror to see,

I have scars that mean I can’t look in the mirror,

I have scars that killed the 2015 me,

I have scars that give me pain everyday,

I have scars that I know I will get more of.

I am the best me I will ever be right now,

To me that’s pretty messed up as I’m broken,

I’m held together by my force of will and love,

I will get to a stage where I can’t battle anymore,

When that day comes who will shed a tear?

Likely 5-10 people but they will matter because they loved me

Thoughts on the A-F bundle

 I was always told to stay humble,

I was told let others speak about the things you do,

So I’ll talk about the A to F bundle,

It should be fundamental in every ICU,

If your not then that a major fumble,

Mobilising is good for patients research shows it’s true.

I’m tired of listening to all this squawking,

People who never been intubated telling us what is true?

Maybe you should all start listening and stop talking,

Delirium and acquired weakness are game changers,

Making your body feel like a dam stranger.

People who think sedating is humane,

What is going on in your dam brain,

Increases length of stay, delirium just to name some,

Disabilities, distress and insecurity what you’re imposing.

Let’s look at the bundle and what it does,

A- assess for pain and manage it appropriately,

B- breathing and awakening trials, 

Pausing sedation and making patient do more of the breathing work,

C- choice of sedative and analgesia, 

ensure your using the best ones,

D- Delirium assess, prevent and manage,

Stop the things that cause it and make the patient feel safe,

E- early exercise and mobilisation, 

Protect what’s there and reduce damage that will be done,

F- family it’s the worse time for them too,

Help them survive the stress their going through,

So they can help you too.

So let’s review all the things we do,

When you think of ICU ,

We all know what we should do,

Use the bundle that’s proven true,

To help more people survive the ICU.

Talk is cheap but here’s the cost

 

Why do I lay my trauma out for you to look?

I do it so you can stand and stare,

Wondering how we even got there,

Figuring out how I am still right here.

 

I tell my tale reworking it every time,

So that the impact gets better every time,

I relive the torture just so I can refine the talk every time,

When I’m done people question why I keep doing it every time.

 

It might stunt your recovery, might make worse,

You are not that important, your story doesn’t matter,

Thought banging round in my mind,

Trying to get any hook in it can find.

 

I might not be important but I am to some,

I’d still be happy if it was only one,

I have found friends in the worst of my trauma,

Ride or die friends I never thought I’d have,

But for each one I’m eternally glad.

 

I tell my story for those who can’t,

For those who pass or those who still suffer,

For those left defeated with no hope,

And for those who can give words to this rope.

 

The trauma like a noose squeezing out the life,

But we shan’t give in we will fight,

On the stage or the call I bare my trauma,

So there will be less mes tomorrow.

ICU Rehab Day 2023

                                                                    

We need to talk about the value of ICU rehab,

It is as important as drugs made in labs,

The battle we face after intubation,

The effort it takes, the shot heard across nations.

 

The A2F bundle formed to reduce the harm we cause,

But in a lot of ICU, the damage does even give pause,

Rehab in my home differs so much from the others,

We should all band together as sisters and brothers.

 

So heed this my call to join our movement,

Which is focused so fully on getting us moving,

Because never forget that not lost does not need to be regained,

That patient will not have to know the pain of muscle growing again.

 

So join us in voice, in spirit and in body,

Let’s do this properly for we can’t afford to be shoddy,

These people's lives we affect will impact so profoundly,

As for every person in a bed has people 100 deep,

The family and friends who witness the struggle,

Can be saved from the horror of seeing them suffer.

 

We all seek the solution which has eluded us all,

But we are not here to drop the ball,

We work hard each day to improve the world in tiny ways,

Because in weeks, months or even years,

Those tiny actions will reap us some gold.

 

 

Whether you stand at the bed, research or other,

The work that you do will be seen by fathers and mothers,

Your actions will be burned in that patient's brain,

Let’s not leave them with only a legacy of pain,

Working together we make rehab the focus,

We motivate, drive and support the goals that are chosen.

 

For in the end, we are all just supporting roles in the life of the patient,

We are stagehands, extras and even directors,

Managing the situations and bringing the important to focus,

We show the best that we have to evoke emotion,

Because of these plans, we are setting in motion,

They will impact people all across the oceans.

 

So I leave it here with these most feeble of words,

The patient in the bed wants to be heard,

We want to be seen and treated as a person,

We want to live life not simply surviving the crisis,

For when you look at the whole you will see too much more,

Learn about the person they were and who they’ll become.

 

 

Thank you for reading this I hope it evoked some emotion and I hope we can make ICU rehab a part of every icu patients journeys. But also make the time in ICU less traumatic and thus need less ICU rehab after.