The Pandemic Blues

This time of year people say is joyful,

But this year it’s the anniversary of the worst time of my life,

Everyone is excited and bouncing with joy,

But inside me the grief is pulling me down,

While everyone is bouncing about town.

My life nearly ended to a bird flu in those happy times,

Now in a pandemic I sit with no immune system,

Stressing about what might come my way,

With covid and flu running rampant around me,

My castle, my fort nothing allowed in.

I watch my friend go heroic things everyday,

I watch as what we ask of them to do and who to save,

They achieve more than we should ask of anyone,

I am in such awe of these humans who call me friends,

Do all that’s asked and get through all the strife,

I would entrust each and everyone of them with my life.

Every bleep and noise sends me back to ICU,

Back struggling for breath, drowning in fluid,

Those flashes of trauma burned into my brain,

Lessen with time but never going away,

I send every so often and relive my pain,

So others won’t have to live my pain again.

I stand up at conferences and tell you my tale,

But my suffering a footnote in the effect it had taken,

Every single day my family’s hearts where breaking,

I was fighting with every ounce of my being,

But me laying lifeless all they where seeing.

So this time of year for me not filled with joy,

Even the thought of getting new ‘toys’,

But I am happy I am here and my friends still are too,

If we all stand together we will all get through,

Supporting each other holding each other up,

At the end of it all we will all have a cup’.