Count to One
I
sat at home going yellow from the antibiotics I was on,
The
itching was starting to make me break the skin,
I
reached out and got creams and antihistamines,
The
itching resolved as the yellow retreated from my skin.
But
then they appeared upon my skin,
The
little purple dots that chill me to the very soul.
Bloods
taken to check my liver results and my blood count,
What
we expected to be elevated was mildly so,
The
problem came at 4 pm. I was called by Haematology,
Mark,
are you bleeding? Have you got bruising,
No,
Yes what is the number, I know what is coming,
The
call only comes when it is dangerous,
Your
count is one, and we’d like you to get reviewed.
Now
the danger is extreme and the treatment slow,
Dose
increase taking weeks to work,
The
anxiety and fear building as I hide from life,
While
standing with a smile and grinding through,
While
your back is covered with the knives of doubt, fear and stress,
Life
is not fair never has been but I will stand tall,
If
I can inspire others to shoulder their burdens and make it through,
Then
the struggles will have been worth it.
Never
give me more than I can cope with,
I
do not ask for the burdens to be lightened on my shoulders,
I
only ask for broader shoulders so I might carry them,
Bare
those of my friends and loved ones who need my ear,
I
will stand tall until I fall I will move through until I’m done.
The
count has me scared as a tap could make my brain bleed,
Every
step I take is filled with worry and those around me look at me,
I
can’t show the fear inside as it would break them,
I
must be stalwart in my stoic nature being there for them,
So
that they can hold me up when I fall,
The
fear crushes me inside, anxiety gripping my heart tight.
