The third anniversary
Terror in my gut is rising,
Gazing out my window at the horizon,
Dark clouds looming,
A storm is coming,
Steadfast in its way,
Girding myself for the fight.
My body wears battle scars,
My medals of victory,
Both pride and sadness,
Wars I’d rather not’ve fought,
Bitter sweet wins.
Broken, weakened, lifeless,
Death awaiting beside me,
But fight in me still,
Digging my trenches,
Readying for the war.
The battle done but the darkness remains,
Friends and comrades fell,
My sanity changed forever,
Memories gone never to return,
The darkness my friend my foe but never my master.
The 27th December is the anniversary of my admission which ended in my 3 week icu stay (17 weeks in hospital in total) I am so thankful that I am still here still fighting. I am grateful for the ICU staff at crosshouse hospital who gave me a fighting chance. I am thankful for the chance to volunteer with InS:PIRE and to speak at delirium conference in March. I have a lot to be thankful for and things I can still do, it’s easy to dwell on what we can’t do. I am aware that over the next few weeks I will be battling my inner demons but please know that dark Mark is still Mark he’s just got weights trying to hold him down. He will fight through it because I always do, just remember my friends that I love you and you mean the world to me. You teach me things everyday from POCUS to how to write poems to how to slay at podcasting or crushing it in making a new conference to promote women in medicine to the kindness I am shown everyday by you.
You been with me during my peaks Well now comes one of my troughs but remember we need the bad to appreciate the good. We need dark to appreciate the light.
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